“It is the insult that compounds the injury, by which I mean the growing sense that we are working on the last major story of our lives, and it is an obituary. Ours.”—Leonard Pitts, on the death of the newspaper
“Barack calls it my ‘Star Trek’ belt,” the first lady said in an interview this week. “He doesn’t understand fashion. He’s always asking: ‘Is that new? I haven’t seen that before.’ It’s like, Why don’t you mind your own business? Solve world hunger. Get out of my closet.”— The First Lady, my friends.
“I understand these are dark days for the newspaper business, but I hate it when people say that newspapers are obsolete. That’s totally untrue. I know from firsthand experience. I recently got a puppy, and you can’t housebreak a puppy on the Internet.”—The Vice President, ladies and gentlemen.
“The theater costume closet is a great place to have illicit, Titanic-tuxedo-style, hand-kissing, teacher-on-student monkey sex at nearly any time during the school year. Except during the senior class play. Nobody walked in on them? Not even Julian and the 17-year-old assistant director when they were “looking for sequins?””—